Anaphylactic Shock

One minute everything was fine.  The next thing I knew, I looked down at my daughter and I could hardly see her, I picked her up from the Dr's table and stars blurred my vision.  

I used to envision "seeing stars" to look like the actual shape of a star, like in cartoons.... but it actually looked like the night sky, only not NEAR as pleasant.  

My throat felt like it was swelling at an incredibly fast pace, becoming harder for me to breath. At first, I thought it was due to my mask, I ripped it off.  Then I looked at the nurse and said, "I don't feel very good... (I patted my throat) …It's hard to breathe."  More panicked, I hit my throat a little harder "IT'S HARD FOR ME TO BREATH."  I reached out and grabbed the nurse's arm, trying to stable myself.  I did not know what to do.  

Then I looked into my daughter's crying eyes, I felt helpless.  As the nurse was trying to help me sit down, heat rushed through my body and dizziness overwhelmed me, I clinched on to her arm even harder to prevent myself from collapsing.  Finally, the chair offered support.  

The nurse opened the door and called for help.  Within seconds a flood of people came running in.  Next thing I knew, my daughter was in the nurse's arms, something was on my finger, and they were checking my vitals.  I looked at my daughter as she was still crying, I reminded her to breathe.... I said, "breathe in... it's okay, I love you." While at the same time using sign language to tell her "I love you."   

Startled, I hear "Tanna, look at me.  We need to slow your breathing down, breathe with me."  I tried to breathe with the doctor a couple of times, but my attention quickly returned to my daughter.  Again, I was reminded.... I was needing to focus on breathing for myself.  

They quickly helped me lay down and put a fan on me as I felt like I was overheating.  I asked if I was able to hold my daughter to help calm her down.  I wasn't sure what was going on with me, but all I could think about was to help my daughter. 

I laid there feeling helpless as they sat my daughter on my chest and helped her stay in my arms.  They wanted to make sure she would be okay if I went unconscious, I was so grateful for that.  I began to talk to her and help her breathe, and she finally started to calm down.  The nurse gave me a mini candy bar to make sure my blood sugar levels were up, and I shared it with her. When she stopped crying, I closed my eyes briefly and allowed my body to take a little break in order to recover from whatever just happened.  

As I started feeling a little better and they gave me the okay to go.  The second I got into my car tears streamed down my face.  Knowing those tears were my body's way of detoxing from my fight or flight state...…. I accepted them.

I am not sure if I was in a life-or-death situation, but from the way I felt....I sure was thankful to see them flooding through the door, doing whatever necessary to make sure I was going to be okay. My life mattered to them.  

This was a HORRIFIC experience but as I am reflecting, I realize, people that hardly know me or maybe didn't even know me at all, came rushing to save my flesh.  How incredible.  

Something even MORE incredible.... thinking about how much MORE my creator (who knows how many hairs I have on my head) wants to save me.  Not my flesh, but my soul.  

Talk about being overwhelmed with JOY.