Walking Lit-Up

When going for a walk in the dark, have you ever intentionally walked around the streetlight shining on the ground, staying in the shadows? That is something I usually do because I don't like the thought of walking in the spotlight.

Recently, I was praying about the next step I need to take on a journey that I have begun.  Questioning if that particular step is really what God wants me to do or not? Honestly....the step that seems to be next is frightening, and I would be glad if there were a different step to take on the journey. I started getting very frustrated as my thoughts got out of hand.  So, I decided to go on a walk. It was later at night, so I was going to be walking in the dark, and to limit the opportunity for distractions, I intentionally left my phone at home.

As I started the walk, I prayed that God would guide my steps and my prayer.  There was a parking lot, lit up by lights.  So, as I normally would, I walked on the other side of the road, avoiding the lights. As I was walking back home, passing the parking lot again, I felt a nudge to walk UNDER the lights IN the parking lot.  I ignored it, then the nudge happened again, only STRONGER.  So then I thought, oh....Okay, I guess I can walk on the sidewalk next to the parking lot (that was still NOT under the light but basically the parking lot), thinking this will be close enough. NOPE.  An even BIGGER nudge to walk IN the light IN the parking lot.  

I FINALLY made the decision to follow the nudge and started walking toward the lit-up parking lot. 

Wow, my flesh came ready for battle....  

My thoughts start to spin: 

~That seems just silly and no reason to do that.... 

~Just walk back home already....

~What if someone sees me??? 

~What if someone thinks I am crazy???

~What if the cops stop by because they think I am under some type of influence??? 

~What if someone sees a female all alone in an empty parking lot (reminder: I had no phone) and thinks....What an easy target, and then I get kidnapped???

~Walking under the light will be like a giant Here I am banner exposing me....

All this fear was leading up to stepping into the light.  Getting the courage to take that first step was the hardest part, but once I took that first step, the next one came juuuuust a little bit easier. Once I reached the end of the parking lot, I walked back into the darkness and felt a little relief. I realized I felt the relief because the darkness and being hidden felt familiar.  Out loud, I said, "No, I do not want my familiar to be hiding anymore, and I don't want to hide the joy I have....for my flesh to be comfortable; I want to be confident in the light." I want my familiar to be walking in the light, so I turned back around and walked in the middle of the lit-up parking lot, praying that God would make walking in the light my new confidence, that people would be able to see how amazing Jesus is through my life.  Next thing I knew, I had walked back and forth across the parking lot multiple times.  Eventually, instead of just walking, I began to skip across the parking lot and did some twirls.  A car drove by, and when I noticed, I just did a little laugh because I was having fun, and there was a lightness of not caring if they thought I was weird because the joy of dancing and singing in the parking lot was so freeing.  I went back and forth a couple more times, and the last stretch across, I was doing cartwheels. 

I just refer this back to my walk with Christ, yeah, when I feel the nudge from the Holy Spirit to take the next step....that maaay be bold, I might be scared, but it will lead to so much JOY and freedom.  I just need to have the courage to take that first step.  And the more I walk in the light, the more confident I will become, and the more I desire to stay in the light that leads to singing, dancing, cartwheels, laughter, and so much joy, and have no desire to go back to the darkness.

Another thing that was very clear to me is that while I was in the dark and wrestling with my flesh about....Am I supposed to do this? I was torn and struggling.  But when I walked in the light and just thrived in the Joy, I didn't get caught up in the questions of what to do.  I didn't ponder for 5 min, should I really do a cartwheel or not? I just did it because I knew it would bring more joy. I just had the confidence to take the next step.  

Looking back, I am so glad I took that step into the lit-up parking lot.  I would not have realized any of this so clearly if I had just stayed "comfortable" in the darkness instead of beaming with confidence in the light.  

There is a confidence that comes when walking in the light.